In Remembrance of Jordon Riak, Child Advocate

In Remembrance of Jordon Riak, Child Advocate

Years ago, when I was first jolted out of the collective blind stupor that disregards violence against children, I was outraged and needed to do something. Like an Army surgeon carefully refining his technique in an attempt to save one casualty after another only to realize the war will not end, I too had finally realized the war on children, child abuse itself, would not end. Like that surgeon, I realized psychotherapy alone couldn’t possibly end child abuse. Psychotherapy, a profession that shies away from activism and essentially ignores childhood until you’re through it, was just one more intervention too late. It is an obvious fact that we can’t protect children from abuse while simultaneously providing parents a legal and psychological defense to hit them. We must acknowledge that hitting children is wrong and prohibit it. Granted, the American Psychoanalytic Association is the most courageous in its policy statement “condemning” spanking, but these are only words when no real action is being taken to end the practice. It is like condemning war, but doing nothing to stop it. I wanted to stop it and I was searching for others who did too. That is when I found Jordan Riak.

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I remember his kind voice on the other line. He understood my outrage. He told me about how he had been working to end spanking for many, many years. He told me of his close friendship with Alice Miller. “Do you know her work,” he asked? Yes, I responded, absolutely. Miller was a psychoanalyst from the depth psychology tradition, a member of my own clan. I had discovered her in graduate school years ago and recalled how she had written about the staggering effects of early child maltreatment. Jordon reminded me that she also strongly condemned spanking. Alice Miller had passed away a few years before, and I could hear in his voice such tenderness and gratitude for her as he continued to carry the torch for children.

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Jordon was encouraging. Despite his years of experience, he genuinely showed interest in what I thought might help. He talked about how he would walk to the post office nearly every day to mail his pamphlets to whomever needed them. His pamphlet talked about the origins of hitting children and the twisted ideology that supported its use. Jordon worried that change was too slow. He seemed tired. He confided in me, “I’m an old man now, Robbyn. In fact, if I forget to send these pamphlets, please let me know. I forget things much more these days.” I shared with him all my schemes that might shift public opinion including maybe even attempting to ban spanking in a city or two. I assured him that things were changing. We had science to lean on now. I was certain that if people really understood the invisible yet deep neurodevelopmental and relational wounds caused by spanking, there would be widespread public outrage. He laughed with delight applauding my ideas, “Yes! You have a wonderful plan,” he told me. And I believed him. Most importantly, I didn’t feel quite so alone.

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Plain TalkA few days later, Jordon’s pamphlet came in the mail. The image on the cover was a man gripping a switch in his hand and a cowering child. I exhaled slowly at the image of violence stripped of niceties and euphemisms. I imagined Jordon walking over to the post office the morning before, his daily ritual of love and faith. Jordan Riak believed it was possible to end spanking. He worked very hard to achieve that dream long before the fruits of peaceful parenting were visible, before the avalanche of research warned against it, even before paddling was illegal in most public schools. Jordon founded PTAVE, Parents & Teachers Against Violence in Education and wrote the bill banning paddling in California public schools in 1986. He organized and inspired so many to join the movement. Even in his eighties, Jordon Riak was doing what he could. He was still a believer. Now it’s our turn to thank Jordon and take the torch for children from his hands. Now it’s our turn to do what we can. It’s our turn to believe.

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With love and gratitude for you and your life’s work Jordon Riak. Thank you.

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Robbyn Peters Bennett

9 Comments
  • M Chance
    Reply

    Spanking and paddling are such benign names for angrily hitting someone half ones size or smaller…someone far from as physically, mentally, or emotionally developed as the abuser.

    April 26, 2016 at 12:12 am
  • Steve Thomas
    Reply

    Robbyn, considering the fact that no words can possibly describe either this man or his significance in the lives of everyone else, everywhere, really, you’ve just done one heck of a fine job. Thanks.

    April 26, 2016 at 1:05 am
  • Patricia S. Castillo
    Reply

    Gmornin Robbyn Thanks for the early rising inspirati

    April 26, 2016 at 5:50 am
  • Fran Morris
    Reply

    Thanks, Robbyn, for letting us know of Jordan’s passing. He was a great inspiration and lots of help to many of us over the years. He was very supportive of OOCP when we organized in the early 90’s. We still distribute his pamphlets. Fran Morris, Oklahomans Opposed to Corporal Punishment.

    April 26, 2016 at 10:02 am
  • kidsrpeople2
    Reply

    Robbyn, Thank you for this loving tribute to Jordan. He will inspire us to “Carry On” his legacy of being a voice for vulnerable and defenseless children. Thanks to Jordan and many others before him, we are making progress!

    April 26, 2016 at 1:44 pm
  • Ellen Chiocca
    Reply

    Beautiful, beautiful words, my friend. We must continue his legacy. Thank you for writing this

    April 26, 2016 at 2:54 pm

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