Alternatives to Spanking

Screen Shot 2014-03-07 at 4.24.02 PMIf you’re ready to stop spanking, yelling or using other punitive techniques with your child, if you’re struggling to discipline your children peacefully, or simply want to take your parenting journey deeper, you are in the right place!

Parenting Beyond Punishment collaborated with over 25 peaceful, gentle parenting experts to create a FREE webseries aimed to empower you with real-life tools so you can guide your children and set boundaries without being punitive.   Click here to receive all the podcasts, articles, and videos to help guide you as you learn such things as…

  1. Identifying your triggers and releasing anger

  2. Self-regulation

  3. Setting limits

Gentle parenting is a journey.  We welcome you to go along on the journey with us!

 

A pamphlet about spanking

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Excellent Websites

Parenting Beyond Punishment

  • Parenting Beyond Punishment provides practical resources and tools to help parents and families move beyond punishment. Here you will learn peaceful ways to guide your children as they learn important social and life skills, such as responsibility, compassion, critical thinking, conflict resolution, and respect for themselves and others.

  • If you are looking for alternatives to spanking and groups of mothers trying to do the same, check out Attachment Parenting. This website gives you other tools to put in your parenting tool kit that are helpful when you are at your wits end.

  • Christian Point of View- This site is for parents looking for parenting support that aligns with their Christian values.  Many Christians believe in non-violent parenting.

    Need help dealing with your toddler?

    Need help dealing with your toddler?


  • Another Religious Point of View – Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me, is a wonderful online book by Samuel Martin addressing the biblical argument on spanking – an interpretation of non-violence.

  • What Do I Do When My Child HITS Me?  Dr. Laura Markham’s Advice

  • 20 Alternatives to Spanking,  Aletha Solter, Ph.D.

  • 22 Alternatives to Spanking, Jan Hunt, Natural Child Project

  • Instead of Spanking (Short & Simple One Page Handout)

  • Crying Babies, How to Soothe Your Child, so She Can Soothe Herself

  • 10 Ways to Guide Children Without PUNISHMENT, Dr. Laura Markham

  • Danger Discipline - Dr. Sears describes how to protect little children from HOT STOVES and BUSY STREETS  without hitting.

  • How To Help Your Child STOP HITTING, Dr. Laura Markham’s Advice

  • Code Name: Mama,  How to parent peacefully and effectively

  • Natural Parents Network, A community of natural-minded parents and parents-to-be where you will be informed, empowered, and inspired.

  • Presence Parenting, Amy Phoenix offers resources to reduce shame and increase compassion, slowing down, diffusing anger and cultivating trusting relationships

Personal Testimonials from Mothers who Stopped Spanking

The Single-Crunch “I used to hit my children

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How do we raise our children to be non-violent in a world that is filled with violence?  An excellent essay on the connection between early trauma, problems with attachment and the origins of violence.

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On-Line Consultation

  1. Collaborative Problem Solving  – Dr. Ross Greene, author of “The Explosive Child” helps parents find better ways to work with difficult, oppositional children.  Dr. Greene has a weekly blog radio show that parents can call in or email to ask parenting questions.

  2. SHEENA HILL with Parenting Works can help you with parenting questions at Parenting Works

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Excellent Facebook Sites!

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 8.19.15 AMRecommended BOOKS On What To Do INSTEAD – Positive Discipline

  • Out of Control, Dr. Shefali Tsabaray   http://youtu.be/hihWaMLzuVY

  • The Whole Brain Child, Dr. Dan Siegel

  • Parenting from the Inside Out, Dr. Dan Siegel

  • Unconditional Parenting, Dr. Alfie Kohn

  • The Explosive Child, Dr. Ross Greene

  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
  • Healthy Baby Healthy Brain – Excellent Short Videos on Nurturing, Attachment

  • Best Start - Comprehensive Parenting Tools Library

  • Check out 30 Amazing Authors!

 

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On-Line InChildren's Hospital Logoteractive Tutorial

Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt has created a helpful, interactive, online application, “How to Deal with Your Toddler’s Aggression”  Try this program on-line.  It runs through a variety of common situations where a toddler is being oppositional and difficult and allows you to pick the answer you like best.  Then it offers research describing which result is the most effective!

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Parent Self-Regulation (Self Care)

It is so important for us to take good care of ourselves as parents! Here are some links to sites focusing on self care:

If we want to help our children when they are upset, tantrumming, or jumping off the walls, we need to keep our cool!  When our children are not cooperating, or whining, or flipping out, it is easy for us to feel the same way.  The challenge is to remain calm and connected to our children.  That is difficult when we start to feel angry.  Dr. Efron teaches us how to identify our anger style so we can let go of anger and stay connected to our kids.

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Check out Dr. Dan Siegel’s Facebook focusing on how to practice mindfulness in our lives and with our children.  Dr. Siegel is a neuroscientist who studies how we can help regulate our own brains and our children’s to reduce stress and conflict and increase mutual enjoyment between parents and children.  Dr. Dan Siegel – MINDFULNESS


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The Neuro-Science of Early Childhood

This is a wonderful website that demonstrates how a child’s brain develops and how to enrich a child’s development through safe, stable, and consistent relationship between the child and caregiver.

Harvard University – On the Developing Child is an excellent resource to learn what science is teaching us about the importance of early life experience on long term health into adulthood.

CLICK HERE for the Research on SPANKING

Books About the Effects Spanking

  • PAMPHLET: Plain Talk about SPANKING – An online pamphlet challenging the cultural beliefs that reinforce spanking.
  • This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You, Nadine Block writes about the child’s perspective of spanking illustrated using the child’s drawings.
  • Asadah Kirland, author of “Beating Black Kids” writes about how to raise our skills and not our hands.
  • Why Spanking Doesn’t Work, Michael J. Marshall, PhD

Community Action Links

Why Abolish Spanking?

The European Council talks about why many European countries have banned spanking in the home.

Center for Effective Discipline is an organization aimed at helping parents find alternatives to spanking, promoting positive discipline.  This is also a great resource for learning how to change school policies to ban the hitting of children in schools.

Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment – Learn about the world-wide effort to ban all forms of violence against children, including spanking in the home.

United Nations Convention on the Child Rights of Child –  Efforts by the UN to protect children’s rights, including to be free from all forms of violence including corporal punishment.

Stop Spanking is in partnership with:

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14 Responses to Alternatives to Spanking

  1. This is a valuable and important list of resources. Thank you for the beneficial work you are doing to make a needed positive impact. It is critical that all adults understand the long lasting and critical impact stressful experiences plays on the developing brain!

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  3. Margaret McCreary says:

    Sorry but you are wrong period. Corporal punishment can be very positive in child rearing. You have your opinion of course- wonder if you have children yourself-but you are just wrong and so are your reasons. I raised 8 children 5 boys and 3 girls and they are all very productive and positive citizens making great contributions toward mankind and their communities. They thank me daily for how I raised them and that they got the punishments they deserved when they went way off course.

    • Tim Utz says:

      BRAVO!! I concur totally with you, I have three kids bumpy years yes but three well adjusted adults, one in law school, one business owner, one a pharmacist, even better than dad who was in construction for 35 years.

      • How many times have I heard this one? “I was spanked and I turned out OK,” or “I spanked my kids and they turned out OK.”

        How do you measure that your children are OK? Would they be even happier if you had chosen not to hit them? What if you were to ask your children what they think of spanking, and if they plan to spank their own children? Ask them if they remember being spanked, and what it was like for them. Do they remember why, or do they just remember being hit?

    • Tim Utz says:

      They even love their kids, now how is that for a fine Saturday.

    • Margaret,

      Thank you for visiting our site. Many children have been spanked and grow up to be happy well functioning adults. That doesn’t mean that spanking isn’t damaging. The fact is, spanking is very risky and is significantly correlated to many problems including increased aggression, and a myriad of mental and physical health problems. This is not opinion – it is the findings from hundreds of studies. There is 93% agreement in the studies, so there is no confusion here. The only confusion is that spanking (hitting) is an accepted social norm.

      You may or may not be the best judge as to how spanking affected your children. As a mothers, we all want to believe we did right by our kids because we love them! We want to believe they are perfectly OK. But the science is clear. I have family members who have smoked their entire lives and are now in their 80s and they don’t have lung cancer – but that doesn’t mean smoking isn’t dangerous and potentially destructive!

      From a human rights perspective, there is no confusion. Spanking is hitting, and hitting another person is wrong. It is immoral. Once we can realize spanking for what it is, it becomes obvious that we should never do it. Recognizing this is hugely important, because it is a great disservice to our children and grandchildren to continue to promote spanking as a healthy was to relate to children. Violence is never the answer. It is inherently disrespectful. I think we owe it to the next generation to stop being defensive, stop defending violence, and start defending our children’s basic human rights.

      I hope you will be open minded enough to read the research and to reflect on the basic human rights of children. Fifty years ago, it was an accepted social norm for a husband to smack his wife (as long as it didn’t get out of hand!). I doubt you would be defending wife smacking today. Let’s stop defending kid smacking as well.

      Respectfully,

      Robbyn Peters Bennett

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